I’d like to start by encouraging you, NO, MANDATING YOU, to read the previous blogs as well as the future blogs for the next 21+ days. The reason is this, this blog is a snap shot in time and to really gain the full truth of this process you need to read how it started and how it continues to evolve. I also believe intuitively that this is most likely the turning point, the pinnacle, my threshold.
430 am yoga, although again, NO YOGA. Well, the entire group was there, but the morning events were a bit disorganized and we spent the hour going over how to properly cleans the reachable emunctories. Yes patients and friends you have heard me say this over and over again. The emunctories are our main organs of elimination. We have 5 main emunctories- liver/GI, kidney, lungs, skin and emotions.
This morning we went over their 5 cleaning techniques called Pancha Kria (spelling-?) for true energy flow and cleansing- enimas (colon cleans), eye wash, netty pot (nasal passage the gateway to the lungs), an herb called Haritaki you take at night to stimulate digestion (laxative) and the fifth we are not doing- it is putting a string in your nose that gets pulled out your throat.
I could feel so much irritation begin to build in me. I paid 6 thousand dollars to learn what I teach people on a daily basis? I could run this program (hello ego, although, truth is I could run aspects of the program). The teachings are amazing, but something I can get on-line for free. The “cleansings” which they claim are life changing, that is what people pay ME for so there is no novelty there (clearly I’m upset I’m not the one teaching these amazing principles, possibly something else worth looking at). The “if you spend 21 days with swamiji your biomemory will awaken, your body will be cleansed, everything will balance, your DNA will improve and disease will be eradicated” ….WELL, that is what I provide people on a daily basis. With the natural medicine I practice, we have already begun to publish scientific articles that using the homeopathic and herbal remedies DO THE SAME THING. (In the spirit of self-analysis and discovering what holds us back from ultimate and unimaginable success, I’LL PLAY! Looks like I have recognition issues and since my profession is an extension of me and me and my profession are not feeling recognized, that struck a cord. Root pattern?! As for his energy, I have to be honest, I don’t feel it to the extent others seem to. I’m a little bummed, maybe angry I don’t feel it. I’m pretty energetically sensitive, but I’m not feeling this overwhelming sensation of bliss every time he walks in the room. I’m pretty blissful on my own, but some people are falling over in his presence, some crying. I’m just not there. Don’t really want to be there either. I enjoy being around him. I will admit he does have an amazing sense of calmness and peace to him. You can just sit and listen to him talk forever. He emanates calm, love and enrichment. His teaching are extremely powerful! When I was first introduced to his teachings in January 2013, I began to implement some of his philosophies and it positively improved my life. I just really struggle with the fanatic mentality that he can heal me with his look and touch. I don’t know that I believe that, although I definitely believe in healing energy and touch, so I’m not sure why I’m so resistant now (clearly I have an incomplete expectation of him and his ability because truth is, I want him to infuse me with special powers. Hello, Wonder Women!).
Many people come to the program specifically for Darshan. Darshan is a ceremony at the end of the day where Swamiji blesses you with his energy and does a personal healing. I’ve had lots of healings so I had an idea of what to expect, but when I went up there, exchanged smiles, looked into each others eyes, he touched my head and I walked off stage. I didn’t feel much of anything. If anything, I actually felt kind of irritable and angry afterward; possibly my internal expression of disappointment. But I chose to see it as him wanting me to take a deeper look at the space I was in before he could truly offer healings and I would be open enough to receive.
Frustrated and searching for someone to keep me open to gaining the most I can out of this experience, especially since I willingly signed up for IA for some reason, I had to write my favorite balancing source. We started a conversation.
You are already doing the work! Whether you stay or go is completely your choice. I’m your number one fan and already recognize how amazing you are in so many capacities and only want the best for you and Kailen always. Continuously ask yourself why you are there. If I understand you correctly it is have a stable marriage (despite the huge divorce rate) and to open the tremendous energies of healer that are dormant in you. I want to share some of my own perspective with you. I myself do not enjoy being in India or the asharam, love and respect the culture for what it is, but was never personally interested in being a sanyas, monk or anything related to what I saw there. I found the culture and the language offensive most of the time. I was not interested in becoming a Hindu- I just wanted a stable and amazing life and I knew SwamiJi would help me create it from the very fabric of my being. What I did find was a tremendous connection to the energy field and a sense of devotion I never had before. Do not underestimate how powerful and loving SwamiJi’s energy is- it is beyond what you see in the body. This is the jump in consciousness that is happening – don’t let the content of the program be the limit of your experience. Start to notice “you” during the whole process.
The biggest thing I learned in all of this was to understand that growth never took place while I was comfortable. The big goal is to get very comfortable navigating the unknown. The fact that you are uncomfortable is a hint that the transformation process has started.