Over the weekend I was connecting with some old friends. It was a beautiful mix of people- a happily married couple, a recently divorced male and myself, an engaged women to be married in April. After hours of wonderful and stimulating conversation, I began to notice a trend. In many people due to their life experiences, self-love is lost. To maintain the balance of our external life as well as life within, an unaware individual will begin to search for external sources of love to experience love within. Unfortunately this is a volatile source of love because if you are always depending on others to build you up, when others are unavailable, if others can not provide you with the type of love you need to receive, if others just plan’ole don’t show you love, then you feel alone, empty and sad. You feel love-less. When we begin to cultivate love within ourself from ourselves, then we have ultimate control and understanding over our emotions and how to shift our energies when needed.
What I have started to notice is when someone lacking self-love is in the space or company of someone that holds a space of utmost love, confidence and non-judgment; the emanating love can often be received and interpreted within the receiver as lust. It drives the other person to a state of energetic aggression. They want that love so badly, men become “the hunter” and women become “the gatherer”. Men see this love, feel this love and energetically view the person offering love as “the deer”. They will do anything to get it because it is their survival. Remember, even though we have evolved in many ways, our cave-man brain or instincts I should say, are still very present. Meaning, hundreds of years ago it was the man’s job to focus on one thing which was hunting a deer to bring food to his tribe. Men often move from this instinctual space when there is an internal need that needs to be fulfilled, in this case, getting the women (feeling self-love). If the roles were reversed and the women was coming from a place of no self-love in the mist of a love emanating male energy, then she would want to gather all the information from everyone to learn more of this man to make sure he was safe and that she was safe in pursuing him. This aggressive survival energy can feel like love, but is lust.
True lasting love begins when both partners come from a cultivated space of self-love, self-worth and confidence.
Confidence can be a tricky word because most people that lack confidence think they are super confident because “they don’t care what anyone else thinks” or they have done a lot of socially viewed confident things in their life. However, a truly confident person remains confident in all situations and outcomes because their internal space is aware that everything happens for a reason at just the right time. This doesn’t mean- make decisions, fight for what you want, have faith, experience fleeting emotions of joy or disappointment. It is a uniquely cultivated space within that has an inner knowing and peace that is called confidence.