I’ve really been searching for the answer to my unfamiliar closed-off-ness. For those who know me, I will do and/or try just about anything with genuine excitement backing me up. I have a very free spirit and find great pleasure in new experiences and interactions. If there is one thing I am NOT, it’s reserved and shy. I shine in the light of exploration!
So why so much strife over staying or going? Is it my intuition asking me to listen and respond? Was my lesson simply in coming and facing one of my greatest fears (investing in something that wasn’t worth it- making a bad decision). Is it my deep seeded internal fears confusing me that I can’t even access and acknowledge that are tricking my mind into creating this false perception asking me to leave? Is it about the money?
I asked, so maybe it is a little bit of all.
Of course my intuition is asking me to listen and respond. I probably am being asked to face the fear of a poor decision or a poor investment (but remember: it is what we do with the choices we make, it is how we choose to respond/show up, it is what we make of our situations that determines the person and the experience). It is also probably a little bit of my souls deepest fears poisoning my mind into keeping them (the fears) safe so they have a human sanctuary to inhabit. They don’t want to be set free or then they will die. Not sure what those fears are, but I’ll go with it! And, yes, it is about the money. As much as I want to say it isn’t, as much as we often pretend it isn’t- it is almost always about the money. The program is 6 thousand dollars and in every moment of ik, I think I could be…
Driving the European Riviera, saving for our wedding, investing in a home, improvements to the clinic.
What I’d like to keep reminding myself is, this is an investment in me and my relationships (family, friends, patients, marriage) for a lifetime. So why am I not allowing myself to believe this and embrace my journey? What is the block?