After meditation tonight I started to realize and accept that my relationship with SwamiJi is very energetic and etherical vs. physical. We have conversations, do healings, reveal issues, sort through problems (incompletions) through flashes of images and hearing his voice communicate to me when I ask for guidance or contact.
For example, after todays sessions I was starting to feel stuck, as if I wasn’t getting anything out of the program. I could feel the frustration and irritation build inside me as others were expressing their profound transformation. Side note: I think I have an incompletion with recognizing how amazing I am. I have accomplished so much, helped so many people and work really hard on always improving myself and showing up in my greatest capacity authentically, with integrity and responsibility. I push myself constantly to reach higher levels of enrichment and I challenge all who make contact with me to do the same. My mamkara (internal belief) must be that I’m not good enough and I am not recognized.
Maybe. We will continue to find out.
As for what I was referring to earlier, when we did the meditation I asked SwamiJi to show me what was preventing me from remaining open and I saw a flash of my dad’s face. He then showed me his heart and told me it was broken. He died of a broken heart because he was not complete and began to suffer. So I asked that he set my fathers soul free of any incompletions and I began to cry. The meditation continued and he (my consciousness) continued to show me what I needed to see. Completions where made.
I continued to remain in a state of indecision and frustration because I started to feel heavy with my minds endless chatter verse feeling free, blissful and playful. So I asked Swami for a blessing during my third Darshan: I’m acknowledging my amazingness and taking responsibility for the incompletions and mamakaras that are preventing me from expanding into my next level of possibility, bliss and greatness. Free me of this internal resistance and blocks to expansion.